6th September 2020 - Love is not easily angered.

APC 6th September 2020       “Love is not hot tempered.”
 
Welcome and Introduction           Michael
Good morning everyone and welcome to our Sunday morning worship.  Today we have gathered because God calls us to worship Him.  We come gladly because God is worthy of our worship.  Part of that means listening to what God says and with his help aligning our lives to his wise advice.  One of the most important things God calls us to, is ‘Love’.  We find one of the greatest descriptions of what love looks like in Pauls’ letter to the Corinthians.  That’s what we’ve been thinking about over the last number of weeks.  As we understand what Love looks like and as we begin to live more like this we worship God with our minds and our lives.  So far we have discovered that true love ‘is not selfish’ that ‘it keeps no records of wrongs’ that ‘it is not jealous’, ‘it is not proud’, ‘it does not take delight in the misfortunes of others,’ it is patient, it is kind and it is not rude.  Today we will be reflecting on the truth that ‘love is not hot tempered’ and seeing what that means for us.  But as always let us begin by talking to God.  Let us pray…
 
Opening Prayer
Lord Jesus we thank you for all those who have heard your call across the ages- all those from different walks of life who have come together, at different times, in different ways and in different places to be your people. 
 
Lord Jesus, for your surprising call, receive our thanks.
 
We thank you for the way you have consistently brought together the most unlikely of individuals – from different races, different cultures with different characters and different gifts to become your church.
 
Lord Jesus, for your surprising call, receive our thanks.
 
And above all we thank you that you have called us here with our different outlooks, contrasting temperaments, diverging backgrounds and variety of experiences to be your church in this place.
 
Lord Jesus, for your surprising call, receive our thanks.
 
Lord Jesus Christ, teach us that whoever we are you can use us – you can use anyone and everyone for your Kingdom.  Help us to accept one another and ourselves as we really are- united in our diversity by one common cause.  Take us and use us just as we are, to demonstrate your transforming love and to work for the coming of your Kingdom.
 
Lord Jesus, for your surprising call, receive our thanks.
Amen.
 
The Lord’s Prayer 
 
Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil,
For Thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory,
For ever and ever, AMEN.
 
Bible Reading 1      Ephesians 4 v 26 – 32
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
 
Bible Reading 2      1 Corinth 13 v 4-7           
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
 
 “Love is not Easily Angered”
 
“If you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs and blaming it on you….you’ll be a man, my son.” 
Those are the opening and closing words of one of Rudyard Kipling’s most famous poems.  Secretly we probably aspire to be a person who always exhibits the unruffled composure he describes.  If only we could sail through the storms of life with calm and peace.  If only we could sleep at night no matter what the day had brought or the morning promised.  But perhaps as Kipling is suggesting by the title of his poem, to be able to live like that, is all a big “If”.
You see the truth is none of us are like that.  None of us are unflappable never mind infallible!  All of us are susceptible to anxiety and stress.  And sometimes, if the right buttons are pushed for long enough, all of us can explode with anger.  This can happen at home, at work and at the clubs and societies we’re involved in.  It can even happen within the church.
It was obviously happening within the church in Corinth.  People were boasting about the gifts they had and despising the abilities of others.  They were forming cliques based on who their favourite preacher was.  The rich were arriving at their communal communion lunches with fancy picnic hampers and refusing to share with their poor brothers and sisters who had nothing.  There was anarchy in their worship services as people talked over the top of one another and shouted out questions.  As a result, tensions were high, divisions were wide and tempers were flying into angry words that were causing deep hurts.
That’s why in the 13th Chapter of his letter, Paul reminds this group of Christians that if they don’t get back to loving each other they will simply implode.  Then he spells out practically what this will look like in one of the most famous descriptions of love ever composed.  In the middle of that poem Paul says “Love is not easily angered.”
You see the truth is that many of us are like walking time bombs.  The frustrations of life and the words of others, have caused a deep pool of anger to well up within us.  At any moment we might suddenly explode and potentially damage our relationships with friends, colleagues and family.
The good news is that bombs can be defused.  So it’s imperative that as Christian people we learn to become experts in recognising and defusing anger within ourselves and the people we live and work with.
As Christian people and as a Christian minister this can be particularly challenging for a number of reasons.  Firstly because there is a perception that Christians and Christian ministers in particular are never meant to be angry.  Through the Holy Spirit they are always expected to be full of peace.  If we’re honest, we often feel the pressure of this public perception.  We try our best to never let the side down and to always present an exterior that seems calm and content.  The problem is that inside we can be full of suppressed anger and bitterness.
So the very first thing that we all need to do is allow ourselves permission to feel angry and frustrated at times.  Whatever else Paul is saying here, he is not saying that we should never disagree, or never feel frustrated or angry.  Conflict is normal.  It will always occur when you get people together.  So we need to release the pressure valve and allow ourselves to feel this way and not feel guilty when we do.  It is not a sin to feel angry or frustrated or to have differences of opinion which at times may even lead to conflict.  That’s why in his letter to the church in Ephesus Paul says, “Be angry, but don’t sin.”
The second positive truth it’s important to realise is that feelings of frustration and anger and having conflict are not just normal, they are neutral!  They have the potential to be destructive but they also have the potential for learning important lessons, deepening our relationships and can even be the seedbed for positive change.  So what’s important is not whether we experience these strong emotions – we will!  What’s important is how we handle them!  The good news is that we can all develop the necessary skills to help us deal with feelings of anger and frustration. 
One of those skills is to remember that we all say and do things at times that cause offence.  We all make decisions that even with the best intentions, may not be the best ones.  For that reason, all of us need to try not to be too prickly.  We need to be willing to accept that when people are tired or under pressure they can easily say or do things which might annoy us.  But most of those things we need to let go of and forgive.  We don’t need to be pulling people up for every little thing they may say or do that wasn’t quite right.  That’s probably the very literal meaning of what Paul is saying here – don’t be too sensitive, don’t allow yourself to get upset too easily.
Having said that, there will be times when things are said or done in a way that causes us deep frustration and anger that is not easily brushed aside.  Those issues may be keeping us awake at night or causing us to give someone a wide birth or dread the thought of meeting them.  Or perhaps we can’t wait to meet them so we can tell them exactly what we think of them!  How do we manage these feelings of anger in a constructive way? 
Well, unwise ways of dealing with it would be to repress it.  That will only allow bitterness and malice to develop inside us with all the unhappiness they bring.  So Paul exhorts the Ephesian Christians not to internalise things by saying “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… along with every form of malice.”
Another way would be to gossip about it to as many other people as will listen.  Paul describes this as “slander.”  While that might make us feel better in the short term, long term it will simply escalate the problem.  When we choose to gossip, an issue which begins as a small spark can quickly become a forest fire.  These fires are much more difficult to extinguish whether they happen in a family, a company or a Christian fellowship.  The third unwise way to manage our feelings is to allow our anger to simply explode by lashing out angrily and aggressively with words or actions.  So Paul says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.” And he adds “no brawling!”  Again. in the long term this is only likely to make the problem worse and to cause us significant public embarrassment.
So what are wise ways to manage our anger?
Well one way might be to talk to a trusted friend or colleague.  In doing this we can be discreet so that we don’t undermine the person who has hurt us.  At the same time we can be honest knowing that they will listen and help us understand the reasons why we are angry.  They will affirm us and help us to develop a plan for addressing the situation. 
It’s good to remind ourselves that God loves us and is there to help us.  It’s also good to talk to ourselves, to pray to God and ask Him to help us try and understand ourselves.  Even to ask ourselves- “why am I reacting so strongly?”  It may be that others are being unreasonable but often there’s more to it than that.  Our reactions are often wrapped up in our own ego or sense of security or ambitions or whatever.  God, family, friends, church leaders or even counsellors can all be important sources of help for understanding ourselves and why we might be reacting the way we are.
Above all, we need to make time to prayerfully reflect and to try and identify the issue that is causing such a strong response within us.  If we simply focus on the person or persons that have caused these emotions or even if we focus on the emotions themselves we will probably end up responding in unconstructive ways.  We must learn somehow to focus on the issues that have given rise to our frustrations.  Once we have identified and are clear about the issues and why we feel so frustrated or angry, then we will be in a better position to address things.  Once we have done this we must choose to act rather than simply brushing things under the carpet. So how do we address the issues in a constructive way?
Take the initiative -
Approach the other person and arrange a time when you can both talk, rather than dealing with it immediately.  You may need time to cool down.  The other person may be unaware that there is a problem and need time to think before discussing.  If it’s a committee of people, then ask for the issue to be placed as an item on the next agenda.
 
Speak directly to the other person -
Don’t phone, don’t write a letter and resist the temptation to talk to other people about it.
Think beforehand about what you want to say so that you can express how and why you feel and enable the other person to understand. 
 
Speak to the person privately -
Choose a good time and place.  Allow enough time.  Choose a place where you won’t be disturbed and where you won’t feel trapped.  A public place is often good because it means that neither person feels trapped, and it has a natural capacity to encourage a moderate approach to discussion.
 
Speak to them humbly -
Don’t blame or focus on the other person’s character.  Don’t blame them or tell them what should be done.  Focus on the issue or the behaviour rather than personality.
Be specific and give specific examples.
Listen carefully.  Give the other person time to talk and find out how they feel.  Let them see that you are listening and are glad that you are talking.
Give information (about how you see the problem)
Talk it through, even the difficult areas that bother you.  Don’t forget to ask ‘Is there anything else?’
Agree on the best way forward and be specific about what you have agreed.
 
Have a rain check - Meet up again privately a few weeks down the line just to see how things have been improving.
 
Refuse to get involved -
If someone comes to you with a complaint about George, politely say to them, “I think you need to talk to George about that.”
 
99 times out a hundred following these steps will lead to a resolution to a conflict and the defusing of our frustration and anger.  On the rare occasions this does not work, it is wise to seek the help of someone more senior or a mutual friend who can mediate well.  In that situation in my experience it is always best to discuss things with everyone who is involved around the table. 
 
It’s also important to remember in group or committee situations that despite feeling at times that others are blocking our plans, it is good for all of us to take constructive feedback, to acknowledge that something might not be working or might not be the best idea after all.  We must always be willing to step back and take another look. 
 
Last but not least, whatever happens after following the advice explained, we have a very important choice to make however strong our emotions.  We must choose to forgive. 
We have a right to feel hurt and angry and we have a right to respond.  It is good to own that right.  But then we must sacrifice that right by choosing to forgive.  Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you back if you hurt me.  When we forgive it is for our benefit.  It releases us from the burden of carrying that person or that group around with us everywhere we go.  But it also means that we can receive the forgiveness of God.  George Herbert said,
 
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven for everyone has need to be forgiven.” 
 
It can be hard to forgive but meditating on the cross of Christ can help us to do this. That’s why Paul says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ forgave you.”
 
Ultimately we must forgive because God has forgiven us.  We may never forget but we must choose with God’s help to let go.
                                                                                                                                           
Prayerful Reflection…
 
Are you bitter or angry about something or with someone?
 
What is God saying to you today about what you should do about that?
 
Think about Jesus dying on the cross.  Think how differently it would be if he treated you as your sins deserved.
 
Now ask the Lord to give you the grace to let go, to choose to forgive those who have hurt you because He has chosen to forgive you…
 
Prayer for others
Living God, we rejoice that you are a God who is slow to anger and full of steadfast love, infinitely patient, understanding and merciful, always seeking to forgive, to forget, to restore and renew.  Yet do not let us become complacent fro there are times when even your patience is tested to the limit and your anger blazes against us – when we wilfully and stubbornly disobey you when our actions or failure to act causes harm to others when our faithlessness becomes a stumbling block to those who seek you.  Forgive us those times and help us to put right our mistakes.
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.
Loving God help us to realise there are occasions when you have no choice but to feel angry and help us to recognise sometimes that we should feel the same.  Help us to know when those occasions are.
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.
Teach us when anger is unjustified, foolish, petty selfish, when it is more about our hurt pride than right and wrong, when it says more about ourselves than the cause we attribute anger to.  Save us from the errors it might lead us into – thoughtless words, careless deeds and destructive attitudes – and help us then to control our anger.
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.
But teach us also when we ought to be angry.  When we are faced by anything that denies full living, that demeans and destroys that feeds injustice or exploitation, that cheats corrupts wounds or hurts, that leads the innocent astray, that divides people from one another and from you, teach us then to feel a genuine fury and to express that with proper passion, translating anger into action, speaking out against falsehood, working to right wrongs, overcoming evil with good, giving all for your Kingdom.
Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.
Take a moment now to pray for people or circumstances that are on your mind at this time…
In the name of Christ our Lord, Amen.
 
Closing Words
It’s been a joy and privilege to share with you again today.  Thanks again for logging on.  I hope that you have felt part of our congregation as they are meeting at the same time as this online broadcast.  We are sorry that you aren’t able to join us because of your current circumstances but we hope that in the near future  you will be able to be with us. 
 
I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s reflection on the nature of Christian love.  Please do spend some time in quiet over the next few days asking the Lord to show you any blind bittermness or anger in your life and to guide you and give you courage to address it.  May you ask the Lord to give you his grace to forgive.
 
We are hoping to restart our midweek bible study.  This year we are holding it on a Monday night from 7 - 8pm in the church starting on the 7th of September.  We will observe all recommendations for hand hygiene and social distancing and all participants are advised to wear face coverings. For the first semester we will be running a short course on Prayer called ‘The Prayer Course’ designed by Pete Greig.  Each week we will watch a short video focussed on one line of the Lord’s Prayer.  Afterwards there will be opportunity to discuss the video among ourselves and then to spend some time together in prayer.  There is a book which accompanies the course which you can read at your leisure.  If you would like to come to the bible study please let Philip or myself know in advance.  If you would like to pre-order a book, then again please speak to Philip or myself.  Even if you can’t come to the bible study for the whole year, it would be fantastic to see as many of us make time to come to this amazing course.  It will inspire all of us to go deeper in our prayer as individuals and as a community of God’s people.  There is a link on our website to the course if you would like to find out more…
 
We are currently looking tentatively at what it might look like for our Sunday School and Youth activities to restart.  Our denomination has advised that if these do recommence, they should not start until nearer October.  This will allow children time to readjust to returning to school and give us time to assess how that is progressing.  There will be further details on this soon. 
 
Remember if you are planning to come to church next Sunday- do bring your signed Covid 19 policy if you haven’t already emailed that to us.  Remember, we will aim to start at 10.00am as usual but if you can be there earlier than normal that will enable us to get everyone safely seated before we start.  Don’t forget to let us know you are coming by emailing Aleida before next Friday evening.  That will give us time to arrange the seating for Sunday.  In the meantime, let me lead you in a Benediction after which I invite you as always, to say the grace together…
 
Benediction   
Our worship has not ended it has only just begun for God is with us every moment of every day.  Go then and offer the worship He desires – to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with Him every step along the way.
 
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all now and for evermore, Amen.”